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The competence years4 min read

Hand over real responsibility

Children grow on the weight of jobs that actually matter.

There is a difference between chores (laundry, dishes) and responsibilities (making sure the dog is fed, packing your own lunch). Chores teach competence. Responsibilities teach identity.

Esther Wojcicki, who raised three remarkable daughters and writes about parenting, calls it TRICK: trust, respect, independence, collaboration, kindness. The first one is the one most parents struggle with. Trust is uncomfortable.

Hand over one thing this month that used to be yours. Let it be done imperfectly. The competence is in the doing, and the relationship is in your willingness to let it not be perfect.

Try this week

  • Pick one parent-task that could be theirs. Hand it over for one month.
  • Resist correcting if they do it differently. Different is not wrong.
  • Thank them in a way that does not sound surprised.

Reference. Esther Wojcicki, "How To Raise Successful People"