Connection before correction

When a child is dysregulated, the well-meaning parental instinct is to cut to the lesson. "You can\'t hit your sister. We don\'t hit." The child, in survival mode, hears noise.

Connection looks like: kneel, soft eye contact, hand on a shoulder, a slow breath. Twenty seconds, sometimes ninety. Then, "what happened?"

Correction without connection teaches a child to hide. Connection without correction teaches them feelings have no edges. Both, in that order, teach them feelings have shape and they are still safe.