Cars are talking machines

Lisa Damour, the Cleveland psychologist who writes about adolescents, observes that teenagers find direct face-to-face conversation about feelings excruciating, and tend to open up sideways: in cars, on walks, while doing dishes.

Side-by-side conversation lowers the stakes. Eye contact is a stress, especially around shame topics. Activity reduces the pressure to perform an answer immediately.

Pick the activity. Drive them somewhere they cannot get out of. Walk the dog. Cook together. The conversation will arrive when you stop trying to have it.