The four attachment patterns, briefly
A short, non-judgemental tour of secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganised.
Mary Ainsworth's "Strange Situation" experiments in the 1970s identified four patterns. Secure (~60%): the baby is upset by separation, comforted by reunion, and returns to play. Anxious (~15%): hard to console, clings, struggles to settle. Avoidant (~20%): seems indifferent, but cortisol levels are high. Disorganised (~5%): contradictory behaviours, often associated with frightening caregiving.
These are not life sentences. Patterns shift with new relationships, therapy, and time. The single most reliable predictor of secure attachment in a child is not the parent\'s own attachment history, but whether the parent has *made sense of* their own history. Coherent narratives produce secure children.
If your own childhood was hard, the work is not erasing it. The work is being able to tell the story of it without dysregulation. That is what you give the next generation.
Try this week
- Read about the "Adult Attachment Interview" if you are curious. The questions alone are useful.
- Notice the moments your child reaches for you. Welcome the reach without conditions.
- If your own attachment work is heavy, find a therapist trained in EFT or AEDP. It moves.
Reference. Mary Ainsworth; Mary Main; Daniel Siegel, "Parenting from the Inside Out"